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I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you win again, gameday.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Randomize
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