The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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