good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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