I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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