You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize