what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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