Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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