I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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