I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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