you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize