I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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