im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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