VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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