Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My bed smells like the plague
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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