I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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