is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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