New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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