ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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