His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize