ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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