U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You have to summon your inner elephant
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize