Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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