I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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