I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who died my cat blue again?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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