Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's always time for handjobs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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