my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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