I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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