Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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