I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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