guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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