Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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