i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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