I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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