Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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