Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize