dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize