Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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