I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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