I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize