South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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