Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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