Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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