im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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