I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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