i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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