the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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