I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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