erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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