the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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