I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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